Battle Royale

Ah jeans, my old nemesis, we meet again...

First I had to give up Curvy jeans at GAP (*sob*)

Next up, Low Rise jeans in general (mom jeans, anyone?)

And now, my size isn't my size in some jeans (and who cares if the jeans are cute? I am NOT going up a size just to get them)

I swear there is nothing like trying on jeans to make you feel like crap about yourself

and make you realize something ...

That being in shape and being thin can and often are mutually exclusive.

I know my body is getting back in shape...I know for a fact I am in better shape today than I was 3 months ago.

And yet, I continue to struggle to find jeans that fit, look age appropriate and don't cost a fortune.

And some pairs of pants that fit me 3 months ago are slightly more snug these days.

So WTH is going on?

I have an idea ...

I am not a dieter, never have been, never will be. I just can't do it. Call it lack of willpower, blame it on my Italian genes or Grandmas forcing me to "eat! eat!" Whatever it is, I just cannot bring myself to do it. I get tremendous satisfaction from seeing a full refrigerator and cupboards, from knowing I am able to feed my family, and from making yummy comfort foods from my childhood. I work on portion control, and I think I do an OK job, but clearly I do not.

And thus, I must work harder ... and the battle continues ...

The battle to get down to my goal weight before Baby #2 comes along

The battle to fit into jeans that I like and not settle for jeans I feel are "OK" or "will suffice."

I will not succeed at dieting, so I must succeed at portion control and thus, I propose the following:

Eating off a smaller plate

Drinking more water, particularly right before meals

Cutting out all snacking, unless it is something healthy (like fruit or veggies)

Continuing with running and adding in stomach crunches (*SIGH*, I hate these, but they are necessary to remove the muffin top I seem to have acquired since having my child)

Can I do it? I'll keep you posted.

***And, on a MUCH MORE important note, please continue to keep Layla Grace in your prayers. She is still hanging on, but sleeping more and more and on a tremendous amount of pain medication. Pray for peace for her and her parents, who love her very much. Also, please keep my Drewbie in your prayers. as he recently developed a cold and was exposed to RSV, so we're having to keep a close eye on him. Pray for his health to improve and for this to just be a cold. He's still my happy li'l guy, he just makes my day with his smile, I hate that he isn't feeling well!***

A Belated Vent

WARNING .... this is a vent

Today is about something that has been gnawing at me for more than one year. Something that came to the forefront today once again.

I was speaking with two heart mom friends, both of whom's children were operated at the same hospital as Drew and of one whom's child sees the same Cardiologist as Drew. We were discussing what type of information we were given on CHD on a support page on FB. I posted first...

Nothing.

That's right, I wasn't given a thing.

I was told to go on two different sites and research "pulmonary stenosis;" which, by the way, might as well have been in a foreign language for all the sense it meant to me. Drew was 6 weeks old, this was thrown in our lap and I was in the middle of PPD.

When I found out some parents in our same group of Doctors ARE given this information, it pissed me off.

Let me be clear, I am not mad at the parents. I am mad at the "establishment."

Why weren't WE given this information?! Why aren't ALL parents given this information?!

It's not necessarily the Doctors fault, not really anyway. Initially, not much thought was given to his CHD, to be honest. We were told he would more than likely live with it for the remainder of his life and would need to be monitored. We were given the "worst case scenario" as being the balloon valvuloplasty and that was a huge what if, and nowhere near being a certainty. One month later, his PS was worse and the valvuloplasty seemed likely. Four months later, it was even worse, and they discovered it was in his main pulmonary artery as well as his valve. It was now likely he would need surgery. All along, no information was given to us.

I am sure that at some point one Dr thought the other would share it with me, and when we arrived at CHM, I am sure they all thought another Dr had shared it with me. It wasn't until his pre-cath appt, when we received a diagram done in the clinic, that I could actually see in person (and not on a screen) what they were talking about. And after I saw it on the actual cath, it made more sense. But this was nearly 9 months into his life. WHY did it take THAT long for them to GIVE me this information??

Why did we have to deal with a Pediatrician who made comments like "I have patients with actual CHDs..."?

Why weren't we given the same courtesy extended to other families? Was his CHD not deemed serious enough? From the way everyone behaved about it, even when we were slammed time and time again with his worsening condition, you would've thought he was getting tubes in his ears, not open heart surgery. I thought they were so relaxed about it because they see it everyday. Now, I really believe what I always suspected...

That no one thought Drew was sick enough to warrant this courtesy. And maybe he wasn't as sick as other babies...no, not maybe, DEFINITELY. He wasn't. That's just the truth. We were extremely blessed and fortunate, still are, but his heart was still broken. It needed to be repaired. His poor right ventricle was working overtime to get blood to his lungs and was showing signs of wear and tear. He wasn't progressing in gross motor development due to fatigue. But, he was chubby and happy, and that's all people saw. And we kind of went along with this, because we didn't know we had another choice.

Well, that stops here. I am using this as my friend, Melonie suggested I use it ...

So help me God, all CHD parents will be given proper, accurate and non-scary information about their child's defect(s) upon diagnosis. They will be given access to support groups for themselves and support for their children. Expectant families will be given information from and access to other expectant families. Pediatricians will be educated by the literature we leave in their offices; parents as well. CHD will not hide in the shadows any longer. And most importantly, NO ONE who wants the information will be left in the dark wondering (and scared to death mind you) about their child's future. No parent will HAVE to seek out this information on their own, they will be given it at their appointments, and will only choose to give it online if they want to do so. And no parent will have to seek out support on their own, they will know where to find it...and it will come to them, if they so choose.

I don't want another scared and overwhelmed family to go through what we did. Not if I can help it.

Work It

W4D2 DONE!

My lips are chapped

My lungs were burning

I nearly fell on the ice...twice...

But man, did it feel GOOD.

I posted previously about wanting to accomplish a few things in 2010, and one of them was to get in shape and stay there. So many times, I've started a program, or going to the gym, or getting on our Wii Fit and stopped. I get bored. I get restless. I get lazy. And so, this time, I decided to challenge myself. I decided to take my sudden interest in running and do something with it. I prayed that it wouldn't turn into yet another one of my failed attempts to get my flabby bod back in shape. I got nervous when I was injured...one week off is enough time to get comfy again on the couch at night. It's so nice and warm in my house and so...well...so NOT outside. But, I'm doing it. And as my friend said this evening in the middle of our run, "we kick a$$." Yes, ma'am.

Next up on my list (well, concurrent with the running) is to get crafty. I am starting off with scrapbooking by attending a scrap party at a friend's in March. My plan is to learn from the experts while I am there and get a good start on a book for Drew. I never did chronicle his first year, and we're nearly done with the second, so it's time to get a move on. I am also going to check into sewing classes as well for the spring time, as I recently inherited a sewing machine and found out about a cool place called Arts and Scraps, where you fill a bag with fabric scraps for $7. Sounds like a great place to start as I would love to make some decorative pillows, some burpies for whenever we have our next child and as gifts for friends, and some infant bibs. Those, I feel, are small enough to be good first time projects (hopefully) and not need more than I will get at Arts and Scraps!

Work it girl!!!

Pediatric Cancer

As a CHD parent and advocate, I spend a lot of time talking about facts.

And here's one of them - CHD kills more children annually than all the pediatric cancers combined.

Think about that

Wow

That's a lot of kids right there

But, what I sometimes fail to remember (however inadvertently) is that pediatric cancer still kills.

And it's doing it right now ... it's killing a sweet girl, who is only 2. Her name is Layla and you can follow her story at http://www.laylagrace.org/. Look at her sweet face, read her story. She is fighting, fighting her cancer as best she can, but the cancer is winning. Soon, she will win in her own way...and she will be healed...but it won't be the way those who love her wish it to be.

And that...right there...sucks

So, please, say a prayer today for Layla and other Cancer Warriors...they fight battles everyday, just like our CHD Warriors do. They deserve the best treatments and cures as well.

Get With The Program!

After 3 weeks of not moving forward in my Couch to 5K (C25K) program, I did tonight.

Finally.

Week 4 Day 1 (W4D1) was a long time coming, but sooooo worth the wait.

I rested my foot the first week after my injury.

The second week, we (my friend/running partner and myself) decided to redo Week 3.

The third week, we barely had any days open, so we did Week 3 AGAIN.

Tonight, it was time to move on.

And it felt SO GOOD to be challenging myself again! Week 4's intervals are as follows ...

Brisk 5 min walk to warm up
Run 3 minutes
Walk 90 seconds
Run 5 minutes
Walk 2.5 minutes
Run 3 minutes
Walk 90 seconds
Run 5 minutes
Brisk walk to cool down (for however long it takes us to get home)

This is a program anyone can do. I mean it.

Two months ago, I never would've been able to run for 5 minutes straight...truly.

Now, I run for 5 minutes no problem

While talking

In snow

And ice

And 30 degree weather

And I want to do more

I am back with the program and loving it.

What I Want to Remember ...

Drew's giggles

Drew's wide eyed wonder at something new

Drew saying "Tee-E" (TV)

Drew's giving spirit and ability to share with new friends instantly

Drew's snuggles and kisses

How he loves music and dancing

How he gives hugs to anyone and everyone...whom he trusts...

How he loves "behbies"

That once upon a time, I was his favorite person (besides Daddy) and that he loved me unconditionally and trusted me implicitly ... I hope he always does

What CHD Looks Like...

Shaun White

23 yrs old

"The Flying Tomato"

Reigning Olympic Gold Medalist

Adult CHD Survivor (Tetralogy of Fallot)

Mardi Gras

Happy Fat Tuesday!

Sadly, in the land of paczki, I have none. Which is probably a good thing, considering I am newly over a bug and those things are laden with fat like you would not believe. Still, if I had the chance to get one from my friend's mom, Mrs. L, I totally would! What's a paczki? To the American public, it's a jelly or custard filled donut...but the traditional ones are less donut and more bread with filling. No icing on the ones Mrs. L. makes. So, I am going to say they are healthier...because I ate them all through college and that's what I choose to believe. (and because my favorite salad at Friday's is no longer OK to eat, thanks to Eat This Not That...really, I owe them a debt of gratitude...so I need to believe in something today!! haha)

And so, tomorrow begins the Lenten season...the time we have to prepare for the holiest of seasons in the Christian faith, Easter. This is, after all, what our entire faith is built upon...that Jesus died for our sins and was raised up on the 3rd day to triumph over death, thus paving the way for us to be able to enter Heaven. Usually as a child, Lent was something I did NOT look forward to. It was a time where I had to give up a favorite food, a favorite TV show, a favorite something. And, as a child, this is a hard concept to grasp. As a teen and young adult, I mostly used Lent to help me kick bad habits or jumpstart a diet. Not exactly what God has in mind when He asks us to sacrifice as His Son sacrificed his life for our sins. Thus, I have been debating what I will do this year. It has to mean something MORE than just giving up chocolate or fries or not eating meat on Fridays for a few weeks.

I think that I will use Lent to help myself work on the me God intends for me to be. I will do a lot of soul searching, I will pray fervently for God's will to be done in my life, I will fast and repent for my sins, I will give of my time and talents to others in new and useful ways, and I will grow closer to God because of this. In addition, I will pay attention to what I am putting into my body and work to change those bad habits, as I do every year, but in a way that will be ongoing and not end on Easter Sunday. God has given me this one body, to use as a vessel for my soul while I am on this earth. I need to take care of it, to cherish it, and not abuse it or assault it with sugar, fat and calories. I need to make time for rest and to replenish my well. I need to spend time in prayer and reflect upon God's will in my life, and this best happens when I am resting, when it is quiet.

Fasting will be hard...in truth, I've never been good at this. But, I believe that fasting in another way of giving my body to God, trading actual food for the food He provides to me in His word and in His love. I will attempt to fast twice during the Lenten season, in addition to the recommended fasting days of Ash Wednesday and Good Friday. Please, pray for me on this journey...this will be the hardest part for me.

May you all have a productive Lenten season!

Sicko

That stomach bug going around is NO JOKE.

Unbeknownst to us that it was looming on the horizon, we dropped Drew off at my Dad's on Saturday to attend The Heart of a Child fundraiser. He put them through the ringer with two blowouts, but no fever, so they thought it was just something he ate. He had been acting fine all day Sunday, just not really interested in eating (which I suppose should've been a sign), so we decided to go to my brother's to celebrate my niece's 21st birthday. Big mistake. I don't even think we were there an hour when Drew unloaded what he had eaten all over my brother's floor and my husband. He then proceeded to dance around and play with a "ba-oon" for 45 mins until he stopped and, again, unloaded his water and cracker all over the floor again. That was it, we left. On the drive home, he unloaded bile all over his jacket and carseat. We got him home, changed and cleaned him up, and put him to bed after taking his temp, 99.5.

About 2 hrs later, it was my turn.

We spent all day today sleeping and recovering. He really wanted his "moo" (milk) all day, but we didn't give in until we knew he was keeping his food down. And even then, we just gave him a little bit. Both he and I are living on mashed potatoes, crackers and applesauce today. He has also enjoyed some Pedialyte and I have been sampling G2 and 7-Up. I may or may not have had a piece of Godiva chocolate about an hour ago. I think we're starting to move past this.

And so the question remains...

Will Bill be next?

Ramblings...

The second installment of Ramblings ...

Got a Dyson vaccuum cleaner this week! Probably the most exciting thing to happen to me a long time, which is kind of sad, but I am seriously in some mad type of love with this thing. It cleans so amazingly well, the closeted neat freak in me (since I live in a teeny house with clutter) just wants to hug it all day long.

Attended The Heart of a Child fundraiser last night where I had the chance to speak to Drew's surgeon again, in person, for the first time in nearly one year. One year. It's been just under one year since Drew's heart was mended by this amazing man. He is far too modest, but I suppose that's how he has to be. The truth is, he saves lives. The truth is, he can't save every life. And I guess that must be incredibly hard to live with. But, he saved my son, and for that, I will be eternally grateful. (I also won a really cool educational box o' goodies for Drew!!!)

Received a message from a Heart Dad (please check previous post) and also, please check out Lucky 10 on Etsy for some SUPER COOL CHD Awareness jewelry. It's seriously beautiful and very cool. Thanks for posting on my blog!

Maggie and The Olympics...in the midst of my disgust at NBC for showing that Georgian luger crashing to his death not once, not twice, but about FOUR times, we discovered that Maggie had nearly destroyed one of her nails on her front paw. So, while the Opening Ceremonies teased us from the living room, we corralled her in the bathroom and tried to figure out how to fix it. We decided to leave it alone, trying to keep the nail intact, 'til the morning when we took her to the vet. She spent the remainder of the evening hiding from us and now, sports an awesome bandage on her paw that she is currently trying to consume.

Lastly, I woke up to chocolate this morning...Godiva chocolate...YUM-O! But, that wasn't the best part...the best part was my very first card from Drew. He scribbled me a masterpiece that I will cherish my whole life. *sigh* Does it get any better than Drew? I don't think so.

Remembering and Making a Difference

I ask that you keep a family close to my heart in your thoughts and prayers. Today and tomorrow are going to be extremely difficult for this heart family here in the Metro Detroit area.

These are the days set aside by them to honor their little man, Colin, who passed away on Sunday night. I am honored to be attending the visitation this evening and pay my respects to one our newest Angels, while supporting his parents and family the best I can. I am saddened beyond words, too, that this is where I will be this evening. This isn't how the journey was supposed to go, it was not supposed to take this turn for this little guy. God has a purpose in this turn in the road, I know He does, but right now it is hard to see what that might be. Words fail me right now, I cannot properly express my emotions, but I know that part of my journey is to honor our Angels...and so, there I will be tonight, because there is no place else I should be.

I know Angels like Colin were sent here to teach the world about pure love and a fighting spirit, but perhaps these Angels were also sent here to help fuel our fire, encouraging us to create awareness in ways we haven't in the past...and that message is being heard by parents who need to hear it. Just last night, a new CHD Warrior's defects were detected. She is 5 weeks old and her Mom noticed a friend's FB profile picture had changed to reflect CHD Awareness Week. She asked her friend about CHD and, last night, noticed that her daughter was having breathing issues. When they arrived at the E.R., she demanded her daughter be screened for CHD...and they found something. Maybe if her friend hadn't been so inclined to educate others about CHD, this mother may have missed this sign and not insisted on her daughter being screened for it.

Pretty powerful stuff.

Reaching Out...One Shirt at a Time

Yesterday at Kindermusik, Drew and I sported our CHD best.

We both wore CHD shirts in recognition of CHD Awareness Week.

I wore my "I (heart) A Child With a CHD" shirt and he wore his Big House, Big Heart shirt that states when his heart was mended and lists out Warriors and Angels on the back.

I expected some stares, maybe even some questions, I did not expect to meet another heart mom this way. I don't know why, really. It's such a common birth defect, I guess it only makes sense that I would.

We had a new mom and kiddo in our class yesterday and I noticed her reading Drew's shirt...REALLY reading it. Taking in the words, getting closer so she could absorb them. I thought, "wow, cool, she's learning today and I can be a part of educating another Mom."

After class, she came up to me ...

"What problems did your son's heart have?"

I started in with my normal explanation, "He was born with two Congenital Heart Defects and had Open Heart Surgery when he was 9 months old..."

She said, "I know...so did my son...I was wondering which ones he had."

I said, "Your son is a heart kid too? Wow! My son had PS and ASD."

Her son had TGA and ASD and underwent surgery at CHM, just like Drew. His Cardio is Dr. Turner, whom Drew had as well, and his surgeon was Dr. Delius, also Drew's surgeon.

She told me that she had never before met another heart family and that Drew's shirt made her very emotional, in a good way. She was happy to know of another kid out there like her son. I invited her to join us in IMH and she seemed to welcome the invitation.

See what a simple thing like wearing a shirt can do? It can reach families who thought they were alone in this and show them that they're not. That there's a sea of families, wading through this mess we call CHD, in the same boat as she is. And that we are all there for one another.

One shirt at a time ... one day at a time ... we're getting there slowly but surely.

The Low Down on our 1st Fundraiser!

Last night was an amazing experience.

What we managed to pull off in only 2 months time was incredible.

The response was phenomenal. Everyone we spoke to, everyone our spouses spoke to, everyone our event managers spoke to stated they were having a great time. People were getting into bidding wars over some of the bigger auction items, pushing the bids up and up, increasing our final numbers by leaps and bounds...

CHD Families in Metro Detroit thank you!

We are excited to announce that we believe we shall do this again next year, same place, perhaps same weekend, make it an annual "kickoff" event, seeing as the start of Awarness Week will be two days after this Saturday in February. I have to give some MAJOR props here ...

To Jen, for running all over town, soliciting donations and wheeling and dealing. For getting both locations for the event. For hosting meetings at her house. For selflessly giving of her time to IMH while also raising her two young boys, working and taking care of her personal responsibilities. I could never thank you enough!

To Julie, for sharing her talent for graphic design with us, for coming up with our "theme," for designing and putting together our programs, our invitations, our bid sheets, our auction item spreadsheet, our processes and responsibilities for the evening, etc, etc, etc... For driving 45mins-90mins multiple times to meet with us, to stuff comfort bags, to attend support meetings and learn about why we do this. For making our cause YOUR cause. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

To Andrea, for being our financial guru! For handling all the payments, the guest list and assigning bid numbers. For setting us up to take payments online. For always being willing to help with anything, even though you just started back to work full time for the first time since having your baby girl. For being my right hand woman since May! You rock girlie!


To Krista, for jumping in, feet first, without hesitation in November after only joining up with us in September. For being willing to take on more responsibility than you originally signed up for! For the amazing slideshow! For the AWESOME auction items you procured. For speaking at the event and allowing me to do what I do best, stay in the background and mingle, working the crowd one person at a time. For making me laugh all night!

To Melonie and Lisa, for being willing to jump on board and do whatever you can to help. Melonie, for the poster (which was AMAZING) and still being willing to help where you can, even though you are very busy with your family and work. Lisa, for driving 45mins-1hr to meet with us, for making our cause YOUR cause.

To everyone, for how WELL we all work together!!! We made an amazing team and I am so proud of this event!

And lastly, to the two men in my life ...


My amazing husband, Bill, for putting up with a stressed out and frazzled wife for the last couple of weeks as I fretted over getting things done and was out of the house at meetings and doing prep work until midnight. For allowing me to be on the computer all the time, working on things and figuring out how to improve what we were doing via email or FB chat with the ladies. For coming to the event and schmoozing with all our guests. For upping the bids and helping us raise more money. For standing by me and beside me since the beginning!


My beautiful, courageous, funny little man! You are my inspiration and the reason why I do this. For you and for all your friends, be they a warrior or an angel. I do this so your children don't have to endure open heart surgery, or heart caths or vent tubes or chest tubes. I do this so other parents may be as fortunate as Mommy is and will see their babies grow into toddlers and beyond. I am so thankful to have you in my life. I thank God daily for the blessing of having you as my son. I love you!!!

CHD Awareness Week (2/7/10-2/14/10)

IT'S CHD AWARENESS WEEK!

How are you spending the week?? I'd love to hear from you.

We kicked it off right last night when It's My Heart - Metro Detroit hosted our 1st Annual Raise a glass to CHD Awareness Wine Tasting and Silent Auction Fundraiser! We had about 75 people attend and all of our AWESOME auction items went to good homes. We were incredibley blessed by the event and, when I have some pictures, I am going to devote a post to the event (look for it this week).

Our plans for the week include:

Using the blog to promote awareness by posting facts about CHD and/or "Faces of CHD" stories every day until Sunday

Wearing articles of clothing promoting awareness... OR just red with an IMH button

IMH-Metro Detroit has a display at the Awareness event at UofM's Mott Children's Hospital and flyers posted at Children's Hospital of Michigan.

On Saturday, IMH will be attending a fundraiser with Heart of a Child to raise money for CHM's Cardiovascular Surgery Department.

For today, please enjoy the video that played at our event last night! A big thanks to Krista for doing this for us!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqSFT229s1w

I Just Discovered ...

2 amazing new blogs!

And since my hot linking abilities stink, here are the URLs:

http://littlehomeontherange.blogspot.com (I believe I found this on The Macs blog)

and

http://theprudenthomemaker.com/winter (this is for the meal plan)

Talk about organized!!! Both blogs, but especially Blog #2, are written by Moms who KNOW how to meal plan, are extremely organized and are generous enough to share their talents with the rest of us. I pray that, as I learn from them, I can at least get the meal planning under control.

My friend, Heather, also let me in on a site (Just Mommies) that has an awesome cleaning and organization schedule. So, I hope to get better at creating a schedule that both works and doesn't drive me crazy from this site as well.

Just passing it along to all my friends in the same boat as me ...

And if you know how to hot link, won't you PLEASE share with me? Thanks in advance!!

Sidelined

I have been sidelined

By my foot

Getting old STINKS

I am in the midst of trying to figure out what the heck is going on with my foot that I seemed to have injured at some point late last week. I took yesterday off running and will repeat Week 3 beginning tomorrow, for only 2 days this week, in preparation of beginning Week 4 next week.

If my foot cooperates

If it doesn't, I guess it's a trip to the Doctor for me to see if this is, indeed, plantar fasciitis (PF) or something else...

I am hoping for something else

Everything I have read about PF makes it sounds like it is manageable, but not curable, and a total pain in the rear. I will need to get special orthotics, watch what other types of shoes I wear, probably get new running shoes (and mine are BRAND NEW as it is), tape my foot, stretch and possibly even wear a brace (or, a rainboot my friend, Juli, tells me!) to bed. And this is all after initially resting my foot for a few weeks.

DAMN IT

Excuse the swears, but I just got into running, I was enjoying it, and now, this. I have weight to lose, muscles to tone and a body and mind to challenge with this C25K program. I guess I will have to hit the road again tomorrow and figure this all out. Until next time ...

On a sidenote, when did Jillian from The Biggest Loser turn into a Psychiatrist?!