Realizations

Wow, two posts from me in one day!

This is going to be a rambler, I am sure.

So, I have been visiting blogs today. And, after checking out about a zillion blogs, I have come to some conclusions ...

I am not crafty

I am not creative

I am not photogenic

I do not have a great sense of style

I am SO not organized

I think I am missing the "Suzie Homemaker" gene

Phew. Got that all out there. No, this is not some "woe is me" post, bear with me. It's just the truth. I'll take it point by point.

I tried scrapbooking once. I had all the best intentions of making this scrapbook the most fabutastic one ever, documenting my engagement, wedding events, wedding and honeymoon. I got to my wedding (about 7 pages in) and that was that. I got bored, I ran out of ideas and I was done. And now, 3 years later, it is somewhere in my house collecting dust. I can't sew, I don't make things my child can wear or I can sell on Etsy. I buy those things from others much more talented that I. I check out their blogs and Etsy sites and I turn green with envy. Oh, to be so talented. But I digress...

When I look at some of these blogs, I can't help but think "these Moms are hot!" And not in any gross ways, so get your minds out of the gutter! It's more of an awe type thing. Like, "wow, she's got it so together that she makes it look like she just threw it all together and looks fabulous." Like it took no time to get dressed, do her hair or put on make up...it looks so natural! If I didn't spend time working on myself, my pictures would look even worse than they do. Trust me. I am not saying I am ugly, I know I am not, I am simply NOT photogenic. I don't know how to do make up to play up my best feature, my eyes, and so they disappear in pictures unless I have my makeup professionally done. ALL pictures of me WITHOUT makeup are a total nightmare. I post them because they often have Drew in them, and are memories I want to share with others, but I cringe when I look at them. It used to be that I wouldn't even allow pictures to be taken of me without makeup on, but after realizing I have like 3 pictures of me and Drew in the hospital, only one of those being a family one of the 3 of us, I have changed that policy. Life is too short to not capture every moment I can.

This brings me to my next point ... my sense of style, or rather, my lack of style. OY. This is something I have always struggled with. Finding a style that works for me, or my house, and going with it. Knowing, intuitively, what works and what doesn't. When it comes to my house, I am slowly making progress with this. My living room is nearly where I want it to be, our guest bedroom (minus the clutter) is awesome, our bedroom is shaping up nicely, the bathroom is decent (although I REALLY wish I had gone with a furniture sink/vanity) and, when the kitchen is done, it too will be amazing (I left out Drew's room because that is, of course, adorable and yes, my house is this small). I wish I could translate this to my own personal style, and I mean in the way I dress. Part of this is being self conscious of my "problem areas" and not being able to wear things that are currently in style. Part of this is not being willing to spend money on shoes, bags and other accessories when I would rather spend that money on jeans and other articles of clothing. But, accessories are what MAKES the outfit. I need to figure out where to shop so that I am not spending an arm and a leg, because, really, where do I go on a daily basis that I need to spend a boatload of money on such things? But, I would like to look cute on a more regular basis...and not just for my husband, for myself. I always feel better when I look my best.

I like to make lists, it helps me think. Making lists and being organized, however, are not the same thing I've discovered. Making lists does help me think through things, but it does not help me ACCOMPLISH said tasks. In all honesty, it helps make me MORE disorganized because it creates more clutter that I must then organize, file, or throw away because it takes up space on our counters, our dressers, and this is space we don't have to give up to random sheets of paper with all my chicken scratched notes. I have junk drawers in about every room in our house. And get this...clutter makes me CRAZY. I hate it. So, why oh why do I allow myself to continue down this path to crazy town??? I wish I knew. But, it's on my list for this year. Stay tuned for progress reports...

And this brings me to my last point, the "Suzie Homemaker" gene. I touched briefly on it during my discussion about my lack of creativity and craftiness. I cannot sew. Not even a button on a shirt. Not even a hemline. I don't know how to operate a sewing machine. It's embarrassing. My Grandpap could've been a tailor for gosh sakes, and I can't sew one stitch. Naturally, I also cannot be creative and make things if I can't hem a pair of pants! I have tossed around the idea of taking a sewing class, possibly a photography class, and maybe even a cooking class to help me with my lack of "Suzie Homemaker" skills. The only problem is time. Between being a full time Mom, President of our chapter of IMH, my direct selling business, attempting to run the house and my new running program, I barely have time to sleep and shower. But, one day, I'll have Baby #2 and I know I will have even less time. So, maybe I do one thing at a time? I am open to suggestions.

And there you have it. My rambling realizations from today. More things to add to my list for 2010 and beyond. I want to be all I can be, and want to be, because I think it can only make me a better Mom in the end. To be utterly happy and content with who I am can only be good, right?

I am going with yes.

I Can SO Relate

I've mentioned my friend, Krista, previously and how she is blogging about the 20 things she is working on for 2010. You can read more about her here: http://20littlethings.blogspot.com. (I swear, if I ever figure out how to hot link, look our your windows, because I am SURE pigs will be flying) What I have not mentioned is that she is a fellow heart mom.

I met Krista when IMH-MD was participating in the Big House, Big Heart Race last October. In early September, she contacted me about raising funds for our organization...and raise funds she did! She blew the rest of us away in fundraising!! She quickly became more and more involved with IMH and the more I got to know her, the more I respected and liked her. I just plain like her. It's as simple as that. And I can so relate to her as well.

She blogged this week about having a "cause," about being "that person" who will ask you for donations, tell you statistics, be "obnoxious" simply because it is important to her to be so. Well, I can so relate because it's important to me too.

She also blogged about how she feels that she and her son, Luke, have the "lamest" story to tell. I can so relate because, often, I feel like who am I to be pushing this cause so much when my son came through surgery like a champ, doesn't have to have any repeat surgeries (more than likely) and is supposed to lead an otherwise *normal*, long, healthy and active life? Well, she also stated that she doesn't so much do this because of Luke, but because of the other parents she's met along the way whose story doesn't have such a happy ending.

For all the Drews and Lukes out there, there are twice as many Aidens, Coras, Hazels, Sams and Mavericks. (and the list goes on and on, but I have to stop here) Sweet little cherubs who are loved just as much by their parents as Luke and Drew are by myself and Krista. Amazing little Warriors turned Angels who never got the chance to come home, who lived lives on machines in hospitals, or who came home undiagnosed to pass away suddenly in their mothers' arms.

So, like Krista (because I can SO relate), I am fighting for those babies every bit as much as I am fighting for my son, my future children and my future grandchildren. I am fighting for these Angels' parents because I get to hold my son, and play with him, and watch him learn and grow every day. I get to be woken up every morning by his sweet little voice calling out to me. I get to laugh at his funny quirky habits. I get to feel his arms around me and his sweet kisses on my face. I get to hold his hand and teach him new things. And you know what, as much as I cherish those moments with him (and believe me, I do), I can't say it's exactly fair. How is it fair that one parent gets to have these moments and another doesn't?

And thus, I fight on. I get in your face (literally and figuratively) about statistics, I tell you stories about our Warriors and Angels. Why? It's not because I want to scare you. It's because I am compelled to do so. I am compelled to help find better treatment, possibly cures, for CHD. I am compelled to help create a world where less babies and kiddos die from CHD in the future. Where more parents have little league games or dance recitals to go to, instead of lonely gravesites. Where more parents can sit down and watch their kiddos playing, instead of sitting down to watch videos of them.

I can SO relate Krista.

RAISE a glass to CHD AWARENESS

What: Fundraiser/Awareness Event

When: Saturday, Feb 6th from 5pm-9pm

Where: Andiamo-Novi/The Dirty Martini Lounge

Who: EVERYONE interested in helping support families affected by CHD in the Metro Detroit area

Why: to help us raise awareness about CHD; to help us kick of the start of CHD Awareness Week in Michigan; to help raise funds to help families in the area affected by CHD; to have fun with friends, family and IMH; to enjoy all the tasty food Andiamo has to offer, plus great samples of wine and other beverages; to bid on some FAB-U-LOUS silent auction items!

How:
$40/person ($50 at the door and subject to availability).
Please send checks payable to It's My Heart-Metro Detroit to:
PO Box 1636
Royal Oak, MI
48068
or email metrodetroit@itsmyheart.org for information on how to pay online

WE HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE!!!

Blog!!!

OK, all my CHD parents, warriors and advocates, head on over to http://blog4chd.com and start posting your stories. We're hitting up the site multiple times/day all week with our stories, CHD info, how to get involved, signs and symptoms/how to detect CHD, etc... We need you! Your story, your advice, your words!

Head on over NOW! (you can link to it from my blog too, the button is on the left!)

Happy Blogging!!!

Crazy Thoughts

As I have been cleaning my house today, I have been thinking. I love me a clean house...LOVE IT...but I hate to clean! I also hate clutter (s0mething that seems unavoidable these days as I run IMH and my business out of my already cramped house), but I hate to clean. What to do? Well, I clean because I need to, I have to. I get very overwhelmed when things aren't tidy and are out of order, but it seems to be a constant state in my house (well, in two rooms - the spare room where all my IMH stuff is, and the basement, where we store everything we aren't currently using). I started cleaning out the basement this summer, but with little help (AHEM!), I quickly gave up as 75% of the remaining items belonged to a certain someone else. So, that's back on the list for this winter, especially since we're supposed to be redoing our kitchen and that will involve reworking some plumbing and electrical components downstairs, thus making this organization of all said junk a priority. So, that would just leave the spare room ... and the constant need to dust, sweep and vacuum...

So, here's one crazy thought ... if I can have a steady income each month from Thirty-One, I hire a cleaning lady to come in once/month and deep clean. What do you all think? Yay or Nay? I think that having someone to come in once/month to get down to the real nitty gritty with things will make the day to day and week to week cleaning a bit easier on me. Am I kidding myself? I don't know. I do know that shaving my dog or corraling my child any further than I already do are NOT options. And if I add one more day of cleaning to my already cramped schedule of cleaning, I think I might scream. Loudly. To be honest, I don't mind cleaning up Mega Blocks 3x/day, because I can get Drew involved, but when I am wielding Lysol Wipes or Dusting Polish, that's another story. Although, Drew DOES help when I use the microfiber sweeper...it's SO cute. But, he runs from the vacuum. And this brings me to my next crazy thought ...

I buy a Dyson vacuum cleaner. On sale. At Kohl's. I know, I know, I only have an area rug and our bedroom to vacuum, but with Maggie, it's a nightmare to keep clean. I NEED something made for pet hair. It also doesn't help that our P.O.C vacuum cleaner is on it's last leg either. It stinks up the room, doesn't pull up hair even when I use our Arm & Hammer stuff, and causes me to have to vacuum at least 3x/week to keep a modicum of cleanliness in our living room. That is just ridiculous when I live in a 1000 sq ft home that is mostly hardwood. So, a Dyson sounds pretty nice about now. Again, I ask, Yay or Nay?

And with that, I must return to my neverending quest to keep my house clean. Maybe some day we can actually move on to getting household projects done ... *sigh* Yes, that's one of my goals for 2010, to stop procrastinating the big projects. I'll keep you posted on whether we say "bye bye" our disaster of a basement, as well as welcome a new, stunning, stylish (and functional!) kitchen. I am hoping both will happen by 2011.

TGIF!!

Really, in the life of a SAHM, is any day really that different that I must thank God for it? Yes! Fridays mean one day 'til my partner in crime (aka:my husband) rejoins me on the homefront, offering backup so I may run to the ladies room, cuddles when I must send an email to my IMH ladies, adult presence so I may go running during the day (and thus, without fear of being chastized by Moms who think I am 15 for running in all black...at night...on a side road). So, TGIF it is for me today!!!

Oh, and did I mention running? Yes...I am officially on my way to becoming a runner! That's so not the old Mary...the old Mary would've gladly hit the weights, hit a Pilates class, a swim class, a Yoga class...ANYTHING but running. Running was torture in my opinion, from the earliest days of sports training on. But, on a cold day in October, all that changed. There I was, at the Big House Big Heart Race and I thought to myself, "wow, running looks like fun!" And then, I had one of those moments where I thought..."Did I just think that?!" "Who am I?" It created a identity crisis for a moment, until I realized that running DOES look like fun. And it is...it truly is FUN. I am doing a program called Couch to 5K, and it's really interval training. This is my second week on the program and, so far, it seems to be pretty easy. Of course, my friend and I had been speed walking for a couple of months prior to beginning the program, and essentially the beginning of it is just alternating between running (jogging) and brisk walking. Next week starts more of the running piece and I am excited for it! I should be able to RUN the next 5K I am in and that makes me excited! I should be able to run safely when I am pregnant with our next cherub and that makes me excited too! I am hopeful that after that baby comes, I can start back up the program and eventually, run a 10K and maybe even a Half Marathon at some point. A girl can dream ... ;)

So, goal #1 is definitely underway...I am slowly, but surely, getting back in shape. TGIF indeed, because tomorrow brings more running...in the daylight...with less opportunity to be cursed out by angry drivers who want to speed down residential streets. Maybe I should look into some reflection tape ...

Ramblings

I felt the need to post today, although I don't have a specific topic to discuss. So, rather than steal the "stream of consciousness" title from MckMama, I decided to create my own title for such posts...and hence, ramblings was born.

My friend, Krista, just started a new blog where she is going to chronicle her journey through accomplishing 20 different things in 2010. Some are ongoing, some are one and done, some are weekly, but they are all giving her focus and perspective on the year. I thought that was a good thing. Now, I can't handle 5 things, much less 20, but I am going to try for five. Drum roll please ... My 5 things to accomplish in 2010 are ....

Get in shape (and stay there)
Get organized (and keep organized)
Plan meals and prep them in advance of the day they're being made
Stop procrastinating big projects
Enjoy a vacation with my husband without worrying about Drew (thank you Mom and Dad Brown for making this one possible!)

As you can see most of mine are ongoing. Please pray for me in this journey. Especially with the organization and procrastination items. I'm bad with both long term.

I visited the Post Office today and much to my surprise, I received a Proclamation from Governor Granholm! I had requested this AWHILE back, and was beginning to lose hope that it would ever come, but there it was today! So, the week of February 7th-14th is officially CHD Awareness Week in the State of Michigan! YIPPEE! I promise I will post a picture of the Proclamation soon! It will also be on display at our Wine Tasting and Silent Auction. Which reminds me ...

We have been forced to relocate that event due to some unforeseen circumstances (aka: drama). Please join us at Andiamo Novi - The Dirty Martini Lounge on February 6th from 5pm-9pm. The change in venue has allowed us to extend the event hours, which is great! You will have your choice of 3 of 5 wines, be able to enjoy many tasty appetizers (Andiamo's food is FAB-U-LOUS) and mingle with the medical community, those of us in the CHD Community, friends and family. It promises to be a wonderful evening, so I hope you will join us! Please email metrodetroit@itsmyheart.org for more information!

Lastly, my ramblings bring me to prayer.

Please pray ...

For the family of my sister's friend, Jan. She earned her angel wings yesterday afternoon, after years of courageously battling cancer. She is now safe in the arms of Jesus, but those who are left behind are in incredible pain. Being the child of a mother who passed away too soon, my heart breaks for her children especially. And now, being a mother myself, my heart aches for her parents. Being a spouse, I also can't imagine what her husband is going through. Not to mention countless other family members and friends. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers as they begin their new journey in life.

For the family of Pierce Allen Helms, another CHD Warrior gone too soon. He waged an incredible battle against CHD, but in the end, it was too much for his little body and Jesus called him home on Friday.

For the family of Baby Hazel, yet another CHD Warrior turned Angel. She was diagnosed after birth with HLHS and fought hard her short time here, but again, Jesus chose to call her home to Him.

Please keep these families in your thoughts and prayers. Pray for God to show Himself to them and to bring them peace in this, their time of great need. Thank you.

Frustration

The good news is that Drew's CMA yielded completely normal results. Praise God! The frustrating part? This doesn't definitively prove a thing as far as Noonan Syndrome is concerned.

Nothing

Nada

Zip

Zilch

I suppose I have only myself to blame this time. I should've done more research, I should've know more about what we were getting ourselves into with all this genetic testing, I should've done a lot of things I didn't do. This time, I chose to take information at face value, that we were already doing genetic testing for NS (ironically, I just mistyped and wrote BS...hmmm...). Apparently, we're not. So, the annoying abdominal ultrasound, the two blood draws, were all to rule out other genetic markers, not NS. Thus, we start all over again with another genetics clinic visit, then a determination whether to proceed with a whole new round of testing, not specific to NS: 7-dehydrocholesterol assay, complete skeletal survey (good gosh, this sounds awful!), ophthalmologic examination, and audiologic examination. If these yield normal results, we THEN begin testing specific to Noonan.

Excuse me while I scream.

If there were not a 50% chance of Drew passing this along to his children should he have NS, I would not be putting him through all of this. For your reading and education enjoyment, please check out this article that our geneticist sent us to review:

http://www.genedx.com/pdf_files/info_sheet_nlc.pdf

I just want to be past all of this! You see, this is where I falter and where I fail. I know God is bringing us to this to show us something, to use it for some purpose, and all I can do is question Him right now. Ask him WHY? Why are we dealing with all of this? Why can't we just have an answer? Why can't this all just be over and done with?

I don't know. I know God does. I know I have to trust in Him. But today, I am having a hard time trusting.

Catching Up

Wow, it's been some time since I've been on here! I think I'll spend this post recapping some highlights from the last couple of weeks, starting with Christmas!

This year, we spent Christmas with Bill's family. Long ago, when Bill and I first discussed holidays and how to equally spend time with both families, we originally decided to do every other year with his family, since they live a couple of hours away from us. Well, now that Drew is here, we both really want him to spend Christmas morning at home, so we will either go in to visit Bill's family at some point during the holidays OR they are always welcome to spend the actual days with us here. Anyway, we all had a great time on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and Drew was spoiled rotten by his grandparents!!! We also were able to take family pictures the day after Christmas and they turned out quite nicely. Hopefully I'll be able to scan some in when I get our's and post them here.

New Years was spent at my good friend's house, playing Rock Band. I need this game. It has become an addiction. Never in my life did I ever see myself admitting to wanting a video game, but it's SO MUCH FUN. We had a great time playing Rock Band until it was nearly mindnight, then we played The Price is Right. This old lady went to bed at 2am, and paid for it the entire next day!!! But, it was fun!

We also hosted an IMH gathering at our house to end the holiday season. I am so proud of our group and how far we have come in only a few short months (since May). We have a really great group of ladies, and we are welcoming some new members to the group as well. Our first major fundraiser is still scheduled for February 6th from 5pm-7pm at The Grapevine in Novi. Please send me a message if you live the Metro Detroit area and would like to attend! We have some WONDERFUL silent auction items. IMH continues to hold meetings every last Monday of the month, they are being held in Royal Oak now from 7pm-8pm at the Community/Senior Center. We would love to have you join us!

Lastly, I have some prayer requests:

Jan, my sister's friend, who is in the end stages of cancer. Pray that her final moments with her family are peaceful and loving. Pray for her children, who are only teenagers, and her husband. Also, pray for her parents...no parent should have to bury a child.

Logan, a CHD Warrior, who will be having surgery this week. Pray that it is successful and that he has a quick and uneventful recovery period. Pray for strength and peace for his parents and brother.

Katie, another CHD Warrior, who is facing the very real possibility of a heart transplant. She is only 3 yrs old. Her mother was actually told to prepare herself for the fact that she will outlive her child. Can you even imagine hearing those words? Pray for this sweet girl, her parents and brother.

Colin, CHD Warrior, who is still being weaned off the vent (slowly but surely) following many complications after his arterial switch a couple of months ago. This has been an agonizingly slow and painful road for him, his brothers and his parents. Please keep them all in your prayers.

A general prayer for all sick children, their families and friends. Having a sick child is not easy, it is a stressed filled time, with a lot of unknowns, anger, sadness and frustration. Pray for these families, that the Lord will bless them with peace and recovery.