Not "Just Gaining Weight"

It would appear that there is an explanation behind my recent weight gain. There is a culprit. My thyroid is underactive, a condition known as hypothyroidism. It can cause a whole host of issues, and when I started doing my homework and checking off my symptoms, I was shocked to see that I had many of them. So, what to do? Well, for at least the forseeable future, I am taking 75 mcg of Synthroid, a thyroid hormone, to get my levels under control. I will be closely monitored to ensure that this medication does what it is supposed to do. Sounds easy enough, right? And it is. But, taking it is a total PITA. I have to wake up at 5:30 in the morning to avoid "interactions" that would prohibit proper absorption of the hormone. So, this ensures I have at least one hour between taking it and eating something (actually, it's about 2 hrs), I take it with water (and a lot of it), and I can drink milk when I wake up too. Apparently, food, calcium and iron all interfere with absorption, so I am now taking my multivitamin at night. I am fortunate, as I have not had any bad side effects to the medication.

This is not the end of the story though. I am still following the Weight Watchers program and ensuring I have a balanced, healthy, nutritious diet. But, I can at least know I am not just becoming fat for little or no reason. It was seriously frustrating...I was more active and not losing weight, in fact, I was gaining it. So, now I have some work ahead of me to lose that weight, but I have confidence that, by getting my thyroid functioning properly and continuing to eat well and work out, I can do it.

There's some positivity for you! Something I've been missing for just a little while...

Vacation

Can you guess where we went? ;)

Day 2 - Thoughts

So, I thought I would periodically blog about how Weight Watchers is going.

Today is Day 2 and so far, so good. I know it's not saying much on Day 2, but I am learning ... A LOT. I have learned that I absentmindedly snack when I give Drew a snack, even if I've just had my own snack, and that I often end up finishing what he doesn't because I can't "waste" food. Yesterday was a real struggle in that area. It was so hard to keep mindful of the fact that I only had X amount of points and needed to save them for my actual meals and not Drew's leftovers! It has been easier (somewhat) today and I am barely starting to do it, thus having to stop myself.

Another struggle for me right now is the fact that I have to calculate points for everything. It's making eating almost like a chore. I have been raised to and have always enjoyed eating, hence my issue. Growing up, however, refusing food was rude. "Not eating enough" drew comments and irritation from my Italian elders. So, I just learned to eat...and I was praised for it. Now, eating isn't so fun, because I am relearning everything. And, like I said, a bit of a chore. I have to log on, check the points, check my points left, record the points. If I want a snack, I have to log on, check my points and see what I can have. Often, it's not what I WANT. And I am learning to be OK with that. I have to plan my meals out like I never have before...I've only planned dinners and now, I have plan breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. I am trying hard to NOT use any weekly allotment points, I want to save those for if I go out to dinner, etc. I refuse to use activity points because I am trying to lose weight, so what's the point??

So, Day 2 is going well. 2 days down, many more to come ...

The Solution

First of all, I want to thank those of you who have reached out to me via email or here on Blogger. I never envisioned I would be the recipient of such love and support for just baring my soul.

Second of all, I don't want anyone to worry about me! Please. I know I am and will be OK. I promise. I just lost hold of myself and my needs for awhile there...and when that happens, bad things follow. I need to get back on track and thus ...

The Solution -

Diet: Tomorrow morning, I start Weight Watchers online. I don't have too too many pounds to drop and the points I am allotted are VERY reasonable. I like that I get to eat what I want, within reason, as long as I follow the points for the day. Of course, if I eat appropriately, I am allowed more food, I will feel better and lose weight. So, I am going to go with the latter option and be sure I plan appropriately for when I want to go out with friends, family or with Bill (read: for Sex and the City 2 with the girls on Friday!!). For vacation, I will have to be proactive and be sure I am watching portions and the types of foods I consume. I can still have a nice dinner out with my husband, but I have to be mindful of what I select and ask for a box at the beginning of the meal so I am not tempted to finish it (crazy American portions!!).

Exercise: Even though I am fairly active between walking 2-3 days/week, (when I put my mind to it ... and this isn't some leisurely stroll, it's a fast pace and I go for at least 2 miles, often farther) and chasing a 2 year old around all day; lifting him up and playing with him, but I can do more. So, I NEED to be sure I am walking at least 3 miles 3 days/week. Even on vacation, I can still do this, I just have to make the time for it. There should be no reason I don't fulfill this piece either.

Mary Time: Back to scrapbooking, sewing projects and whatever else makes me happy...in addition to spending time one on one with Bill and making family fun time for all 3 of us...regularly. Today, we went out in our town and had lunch outside, strolled around and split some ice cream. Earlier, we had gone on a walk together around our whole neighborhood and later in the evening, had dinner in the backyard and went on another walk. So great...and reenergizing!

So there you have it ... The Solution. Things are looking up already!

Not Feeling Like Myself Lately ...

I am taking some cues from my brave blogging friends and being honest.

Like, really, really honest.

OK, here goes ...

Lately, I have just not been feeling like myself. And it pretty much sucks.

I haven't had time or energy to do anything that brings me joy, or is relaxing.

Drew's scrapbook? Yep, haven't worked on that in 6 weeks.

Sewing? Do I even remember how to thread a bobbin at this point? Hmmm....I don't know.

Even going out with friends and family just isn't an instant source of happiness for me, when it normally is. I think the reason is mainly the following ...

I have gained an absolutely SICKENING amount of weight since going off a couple of medications I had been on for various reasons ... and I am just depressed about it. I feel like I look to be about 4 months pregnant, but without the benefit of knowing a baby is growing inside of me. I have the least toned legs ever, which is really amusing to me (not in a funny ha-ha way though) because I am not just sitting on me arse most of the day. Not. at. all. I just disgust myself right now with how I look. I could work out more than I do, sure, but I honestly don't have the energy for it. Cop out? I am sure some would think so. But, walking 2-3 miles a couple of times/week is at least SOMETHING, right? Couple that with chasing a 2 year old all day and I just should NOT look like a beached whale. But I do. Blarg. This needs to end.

I need to change this up. I need to get out of my FUNK. We have a vacation coming up, for both our little family and just Bill and myself. I am praying that's the beginning of a re-energized Mary. I am praying that the rest of our darn kitchen remodel goes off without a hitch and I can stop stressing about it...something I am sure is not helping me with my ability to be energized about life OR lose weight. Unfortunately, we've hit MANY obstacles in this process...the latest two being our countertop guy refusing to come measure for us so we can order everything and get that placed ASAP and our darn door not being installed today, so I was stuck at home for NOTHING.

Something needs to give, and I guess that something is me because this can't continue.

My Baby is 2!!!

EEEEK, I am late in getting this out. Yesterday was Drew's 2nd Birthday and we celebrated the day at our home with a few of his friends and our family. It was an amazing day, albeit sweltering hot, and Drew had a great time! He loved the Elmo and Cookie Monster cupcakes his Grandma, Dad and I worked on for him. His wagon is a huge hit (thank you Grandma/pa Brown!), and we're setting up all his other fun outdoor toys today and tomorrow. We are seriously blessed. We have an amazing little boy, we have been able to celebrate not one, but two birthdays with him now, and he is just pure joy to be around.

In honor of my son, and keeping with "tradition," here are the lyrics to the song I sing to him :

I love you so much

I love you so much

I can't even tell you how much I love you

You're special to me

You're special to me

I'm lucky to have you as part of my life

I love you I love you I love you

I love you I love you I love you

I love you so much

I love you much

I can't even tell you how much I love you

Barbara Milne "I Love You So Much"

God is GOOD

We had our annual cardio appointment for Drew yesterday.

He is doing AMAZINGLY WELL.

So well, in fact, that she does not want to see our shining faces in her office for at least 18 months!

WHAT?!

Yes, 18-24 months is our target for a return visit. In that time, his heart will grow enough to show us if he is going to have any problems prior to a major growth spurt (ie: puberty), but not enough that it will become an issue in the meantime.

So YAY! ... and ... WHOA!

Am I ready for this? Clearly Drew is...but is Mommy? Am I really able to give up the worrying and fear that has hung around for the past 2 yrs??

The short answer? Yes.

I will always worry...I'm a Mom...it's what we do. But, this allows me to start to breathe easier and be cautiously optimistic that "the worst of it" is truly behind us. How wonderful that would be!

While I thank God for this gift he has given us, I am ever mindful of the families and children/adults for whom this is a daily struggle. The ones who are in and out of the hospital, on transplant lists and praying for the gift of life, those struggling with recovery, those living with pacemakers, on 7 different types of meds daily, using NG or GJ tubes to eat, on oxygen, coming out of surgery on ECMO, having multiple surgeries when they were supposed to have one, saying goodbye to angels gone too soon, ETC, ETC.

We are truly blessed.

And while it might be easy for me to move on and leave this in the past, it's not who I am. I will take this blessing and continue to help others...ever mindful of where we've been and how far we've come. Ever thankful that our journey has led us to this point. Not looking forward in fear, but enjoying the moment.

Praise God.