Not a Baby Anymore...

One day ... probably awhile ago ... when I wasn't looking, the craziest thing happened.

My baby disappeared.

In his place, is a little man, a toddler, a mover and shaker, a destroyer of nice furniture, a laughing ball of energy, a sweet little boy who gives hugs and kisses, an independent person who speaks his mind.

How did this happen?

Just today, Drew was fighting naptime, so I went in to snuggle with him for a minute and I realized how long and large he is. Standing up, he was nearly half my body size it seemed. Sitting down, at first, he wanted to play...so I put him back in his crib and he turned on the waterworks, so I picked him back up and he snuggled into me. His hair smelled so sweet and his soft skin was so kissable. I just held him for awhile, stroking his hair and feeling overwhelmed by my love for him. And it hit me. He's not my baby anymore. He's my little boy.

Yesterday, I think I had a glimpse into the future, but it didn't hit me until today. At dinner, he decided the highchair was soooo last week, and he would only sit in a regular chair

On his own

No booster seat

And he could see over the table

And eat

Just fine

WHAT?!

Then, this today. Can I stop time?!?! I have loved every age (well, the newborn stage and I had our battles, but I still loved snuggling with him and watching him become more and more alert), but I realized that I will NEVER get those times back with him. My biggest fear, as a Mom, is turning into that Mom...the one who can't let go. The one who smothers her child and doesn't let him spread his wings and grow.

Because I'm scared

That he will not need me anymore

And that, one day, he will leave us

But, that's good, right? That's what's supposed to happen! So, why fight it? Because my sweet little guy will one day rather hang out with friends than me? Because one day I will not be the only woman in his life, much less the main woman in his life? That's my issue, not his.

And so I must take on a new approach to my child growing up...

Happiness to see him laughing, learning, growing

Wonder at all the things he can do

Amazement at how much I love him and how blessed I am to have him

Gratefulness that he is here with us, healthy and happy ... and that God chose us to be his parents

Yes, it is bittersweet that my baby is growing up...but it is what is supposed to happen. I am supposed to mold him into a strong, loving, honorable young man...someone who is ready and able to take on the world, who has the courage of his conviction, who is ready to stand up for injustices and right wrongs. A man who loves the Lord and leans on Him for support. A man who honors his family ... both his family of origin and the family he will create one day (well, hopefully because I REALLY want to be a Grandma!!). And if I am so fortunate as to be able to do this job God has given me, and do it well, then that will be a blessing too.