A Letter to Emmett

My Dearest Emmett -

It's hard to believe that nearly one year ago, you came into being. You were with us on our trip to Chicago, only we didn't know! When we returned home, Mommy started to suspect you might be on board - I don't normally smell drywall or fall asleep on the couch, sitting up, at 6:30pm. I don't remember if I shared my suspicions with Daddy, I think I did, but I do know I didn't tell him I was going to test. It was early, really early, and I knew he would think it was a waste. Well, he would've been wrong. No sooner did I set that test down did it turn positive. I could hardly believe my eyes! Yes, we were praying God would bless us soon with another little miracle, I just couldn't believe it had happened! Daddy was happy and surprised. I immediately went into Mommy mode where you were concerned. Mommy knows that life begins at conception, so she knew you were a little life already. You were growing furiously and would soon be developing major organs. It was my job to give you a safe place to grow and thrive. I take that job very seriously.

Since I found out so early, and didn't show any signs of being ill, I thought maybe I would escape the awful morning sickness that plagued me while I was pregnant with your brother, Drew. But, like clockwork, the day I hit 6 weeks, there it was. I held on to the knowledge that it meant you were growing as you should be. That you were healthy and happy in Mommy's belly. Even as I laid on the bathroom floor, or draped myself over the toilet, I thanked God that you were healthy. It's all that has ever mattered to me - that my children are healthy.

For awhile, I thought you would be due on March 14th. So, in my mind, I thought perhaps you were a little girl. But, when we went for our first OB appt and found out when you were really estimated to come, I knew better. I turned to Daddy and said, "it's a boy!" And that was OK. As long as you were healthy, I didn't care what gender you were. And, to be honest, I loved having a little boy already so I knew I would love having two. Here is what you looked like that day -

So, the weeks turned into months and I anxiously awaited our 20 weeks ultrasound and fetal echo. Since your big brother was born with two heart defects, and needed open heart surgery, I was kind of a nervous wreck about your heart. Even though our integrated screen came back normal, I was still nervous. Until I could see your heart, see 4 chambers, no holes and know everything was in it's proper location and/or present, I was nervous. Praise God, your heart looked fabulous. Even Dr. Cutler said your heart was "beautiful." Music to this Momma's ears, let me tell you. The ultrasound tech also knew we were anxious to learn if Mommy was right; if you were a boy. And you were more than happy to oblige. Since I don't aim to embarrass you, I will post a picture of your beautiful profile instead of your "boy parts" -

And so we waited. We waited for you to grow and get fat and develop the rest of the way. And Mommy got bigger and bigger along the way. There were a few scares and a few false alarms, but on March 9th, you were finally ready. Well, my body was finally ready. You? You had other plans! You put up a helluva fight to stay inside Mommy. Finally, there was no choice but to go in and get you. And when you came out, oh Emmett, you took my breath away. Just like Drew. Mommy loved you from the very first moment I saw you - because I really loved you from the very first day I knew you were on your way. You were absolutely perfect and extraordinarily beautiful. I know all the Moms say that about their babies, but you were exceptionally good looking. The c-section spared your sweet head some major trauma. All your nurses and doctors just couldn't stop saying how cute you were. And, like the proud Mommy I was, I naturally agreed. Here is one of my favorite pictures of you from the first week of your life -

So, we began our new life with you. The four of us (5 including Maggie!) on our own, at home. We've had many bumps along the way. You have a very sensitive tummy and it hurt a lot in the beginning. It hurts Mommy to see you in so much pain. We still haven't gotten it completely figured out, but it's much better for the most part. Watching you grow and begin to discover your world is a true blessing. You have the most beautiful smile (which you don't let me capture on camera!) and the sweetest voice. You love to flirt with Mommy all day long. And I love to flirt right back. It's hard to resist your sweet face, even in the middle of the night. You love to snuggle and you LOVE to eat. You are big, my love. Very big. You look like a six-month-old! I love it. As long as I know you're healthy (and you are), I love seeing your rolls and double chin. I know you'll slim down when you start moving because you're built exactly like Daddy. I already know how you'll look as a grown up. Tall and slim. And, of course, handsome - just like Daddy and Drew. You are trying so hard to roll over. You move your feet like you want to walk. I think you'd be scooting (army crawling) already, if you could get the movements coordinated. You are growing up fast and I am trying to soak in every moment. Somehow Drew morphed from infant to toddler to preschooler in the blink of an eye. I don't want to rush this with you. I know I will miss it too much. Here you are at 3 months -

Emmett, I pray that God guides me to be the mother you need. Notice I said mother, not friend. I am sure there will be times we will butt heads, and you will think I don't understand or that I am unfair, but my job is to be your Mom - to protect you, guide you, teach you, love you and let you spread your wings and fly. It is not to be your best bud or coddle you or not create boundaries and enforce consequences. You might not understand this growing up but, one day, you will. I know this because I get it now (shhhh ... don't tell Grandpap I'm admitting that!!). Emmett, I love you with all of my heart. I pray that you grow strong and healthy. I look forward to all the memories yet to be made.

Love always and forever,

Mommy