I'm Just Going to Say It ...

Breast was NOT best for Emmett.

Now, before you all start flaming me, hear me out -

I am NOT saying breast isn't best - in general - if all the stars align, your baby latches without issue, you produce enough to satisfy said child, you have an incredibly patient older child who doesn't mind having next to no time with Mommy, you don't need time to yourself now and again and your child's system doesn't reject your breast milk. I think women who exclusively breastfeed are amazing - mainly because I can't wrap my head around how this actually works out for some when it hasn't for me - twice.

If you had asked me about breastfeeding before I had Drew, I wouldn't have thought twice about my answer. Of course I was going to breastfeed! I mean, who doesn't? Why would you deny your child the best food you could give him or her? Really, why WOULDN'T you do it? It is natural after all; it's what God intended our breasts to be used for.

And then I actually gave birth...

And had a child who couldn't nurse.

I experienced the stress of not getting the support I needed, of my supply going to hell, and all of the emotional trauma that comes with things not working out the way you thought they should - or would - and then being flamed by others who didn't get WHY you weren't breastfeeding, no matter how you explained the situation. I learned to never judge another mother, including a mother who simply does not WANT to breastfeed, because we all do what is best for our babies - and yes, that includes giving them formula.

Fast forward to my pregnancy with Emmett. Absolutely I was going to try again. I was praying about breastfeeding. "Please God, just let me be able to nurse this baby." And I was. And it was magical. But, it wasn't enough. We had many nights that first week home where he screamed for hours on end, unless he was suckling, because I wasn't producing enough. He only wanted me, and I was recovering from a c-section, so I was sore, exhausted and emotional. I was afraid of falling into the same pit of despair known as Postpartum Depression/Anxiety that I fell into after having Drew. So, we supplemented. And Emmett slept. And all was right with the world. Then, a few weeks later, he started having issues. He would scream and kick and clutch at me, Bill, anyone who was holding him about an hour after his meal had ended. He wouldn't nap. He was sleeping for crap again at night. He couldn't relax. He felt like total sh&t and it was obvious. I cut things out of my diet - and nothing. I switched his formula feedings to Similac Sensitive and he was a new baby after those feedings. Then, I would nurse him and the screaming would happen all over again. And so I made a decision - I decided to wean him completely. I needed to cut dairy completely out of my diet, and it hides in everything, so that was impossible. To me, at least. Maybe that makes me a bad mom in some people's eyes. I really don't care. I made a decision that was best for my baby, myself, and my family.

So there you have it moms struggling with the same issue. It is OK to go to formula full time. It is NOT the devil, it is NOT poison. It was created for a reason. Was it a cure-all to switch to formula feeding 100% of the time? Nope. We ended up switching bottles, giving gripe water, putting him on zantac and going from powdered formula to liquid concentrate in a desperate attempt to help Emmett not suffer after his meals. I think, THINK, we have found a system that works for him. Now if we could only solve our car seat dilemma ...