My Heart is Heavy

9 warriors have left this world for Heaven. 9. In one week. And those are the ones I know about. For every one of those 9, I am sure there are many, many more. My heart is heavy.

I have lots of questions...and no answers. I know God uses everything for His purpose. I know His will is hard to understand. I know He does everything for a reason. But, right now, with all of these losses, I want to know why. My heart is heavy.

I grieve for these mothers. For the pain they must endure. That they had to hold their child's precious body as his or her spirit left this world. That they must now face life without their child. That they must go on living and existing in a world that doesn't honor grief...that is afraid of it...and that wishes it away. I pray that these mothers know there are other mothers out there who aren't scared by grief. Who know they must walk this journey, and all its twists and turns, and that we are there for them throughout it all. My heart is heavy.

I grieve for the fathers. They must now figure out how to support their wives and other children, while facing the reality that their beautiful child is no longer in this world. They must grieve this loss while our society tells them that "real men" don't cry, that they are "strong," and that they must be there for everyone else, to the detriment of their own emotional well being. I pray they recognize that real men DO cry, and they rely on others for strength from time to time. I pray they are able to walk through this grief and come through it to the other side stronger for the journey. My heart is heavy.

I grieve for the siblings, for the grandparents, for the friends and family. I hate that anyone must endure such a loss. I hate that there are no answers. There is no cure. Oftentimes, there aren't even any reasons as to why CHD occurs, or why one child makes it and another doesn't. I hate CHD. I hate it like I hate cancer - with a fiery passion. My heart is heavy.

I cling to my faith in times like these, because I have nothing else. I have no answers for these families. I have no words of comfort, and in most cases, I can't offer a physical shoulder to cry on. We are tied by CHD, but separated by miles and miles of earth and water. How I wish I could be there physically for all these families, and how I pray my thoughts and prayers fly to them and offer them whatever comfort they might be afforded by them. My heart is heavy.

And so, I turn to the only things I know - my faith and my passion to fight this evil monster we call CHD. To move toward a brighter tomorrow, one where less children are impacted so severely by CHD, one where more parents are supported in their journey, and one where more awareness is created about CHD. I go back to my original paragraph - 9 children gone in the last week. And yet, CHD remains an unknown...a "hole in the heart that is insignificant," something that "heals on its own," something people wonder "why all the fuss?!" 9 children. Gone. As a Christian, I know their parents will see them again one day, but that does little for their grief right now. This is why I fight on in their names. This is why my heart is heavy today.